Conversation with my Mother

Mother: What’s the matter.

Me: Oh, nothing.  I just have a new worry.

Mother: What’s that, darling.

Me: This morning, I awoke with sore fingers and purple nails.

Mother: Ok.  did you call your doctor?

Me: Yes.  she said it was nothing to worry about.  Just another pregnancy symptom.

Mother: Well, then what are you worried for?

Me: Because how can I be sure she’s right.

Mother: You don’t miss a beat.

Me: Well, I just want to make sure the baby is ok.

Mother: The baby is ok.  This is what I want you to do.

Me: What.

Mother: Get some squishy balls.

Me: Squishy balls?

Mother: If you squish some balls around in your hands it will help with circulation.  That’s all that’s’ going on, Jess. Your body is not used to all that extra weight.  I was the same way.  I’m not sure what they’re called, but just look up squishy balls.  I’m sure you’ll find something.

Me: I’m sure I will find more than I care to about squishy balls

Mother: Well, then mix some flour and water together and squish that.

Me: I would never do that.

Mother: Then fine.  Don’t do that.  Don’t do a godamn thing.

Me: I won’t.

Mother: Good. Guess what I found on the sidewalk this morning?

Me: A dollar bill.

Mother: I would never go down for a dollar. I wouldn’t go down for anything less than 25.

Me: Well what was it, then?

Mother: Two bamboo shades.  I had just been thinking how I wanted to hang two bamboo shades outside so I could sit in my rocking chair and not get blasted by the sun, and there they were, just waiting for me.

Me: Well, that’s funny.

Mother: It isn’t funny.  It was put there by my guardian angels.

Me: Well, that’s beautiful, Mother.

Mother: I knew you would like that.

Me: I do.

Mother: The world is here to give you what you’re looking for, darling.  Stop looking for problems, and go find some squishy balls.

Me: Thank you, Mother.