Conversation with my Mother

MOTHER:  I spent a dollar today. ME: What did you buy?

MOTHER: A china cock.

ME: A china cock?

MOTHER: I believe that is the correct terminology for a male chicken.

ME: You bought a porcelain rooster?

MOTHER: I did. And you should see him, Jess. He’s wearing all hand-tailored clothing.

ME: Sounds interesting.

MOTHER: Very. He’s wearing this wonderful, wonderful pair of overalls that crisscross in the back, and a long-sleeved cotton shirt, with a collar that’s buttoned all the way to that thing… that long red thing that hangs under a cock’s neck… and he’s got a big orange beak and a big red comb on his white china head… and black china talons.

ME: Sounds like a real find.

MOTHER: Don’t knock it.  It is. And I’ve placed him in the most prominent spot of my kitchen. It’s a good day, darling.

ME: Well, that makes me happy, Mother.

MOTHER: It will be in Brautigan’s inheritance.

ME: You know I hate when you speak like that.

MOTHER: Well, I’m not going to be around forever.

ME:  Aww, you know what Brautigan just did?


ME:  Lately he’s been taking my glasses off and putting them on Chris’s face, and he just put them on yours, well, on the telephone!

MOTHER: Poor thing.  When he finally meets me in person, he’s going to be traumatized.  I’ll have to hang a cordless phone around my neck.