Conversation with my Mother
Mother: I seriously hope you are not planning on going to the hospital un-groomed.
Me: Mother, grooming is kind of the last thing on my mind right now. Besides, I cannot reach anything lower than my bellybutton.
Mother: Jessica, you need to landscape. It's a priority. You don't want the nurses talking behind your back.
Me: Mother, these days, I don't believe landscaping is as important as it was when you gave birth.
Mother: That poor little boy, he'll come out and no one will be able to find him.
Chris: (overhearing our phone call while sponging off the table) Well, maybe Jess could swallow one of those GI Joe Machetes.
Mother: Chris, I think that’s a splendid idea!