Get Me The Fuck Out Of This Kitchen Quarantine Soup

I'm not the sort to share recipes because the kitchen is not usually a place I like to spend a lot of time in. In fact, I like to do contests to see how fast I can get out of there. And this is the first time in my life I've been responsible for cooking every meal I eat and every meal that other people are counting on for their survival.

This is a really crazy notion and I just pray that this works out in their favor. But I have figured out an easy soup that I would like to share with you because I learned from Susun Weed, a very brilliant and most colorful herbalist, that the water from cooked vegetables is one of the most nutritious things you can eat, even more than the vegetables themselves. Which got me thinking -- if it's only their broth I should be after, why even chop those fuckers?

Why not just wash them and throw them into the pot and cook them and strain them? So that's what I do. And I use whatever vegetables I happen to have. Greens? Sure. Wash the batch of them and rip those fuckers in half and throw them in the pot. Onion? Sure. I take my biggest knife and I cut the damn thing in 4 big pieces and yep, throw it in the pot.

Garlic? I take off the outside layer in case it's laced with COVID and throw the fucking thing in the pot -- you can strain the inedible parts later. Carrots? Clean em and chop em in half and into the pot. Celery? Yep. Wash it, and cut the whole fucking bunch (whatever the hell a bunch of celery is called) and throw it in.

I added Brussels sprouts because for some unholy reason I have so many bags of them in my refrigerator and lord knows I cannot let food waste anymore like the wasteful heathen I've been in the past.

And let's see, what else did I throw in the fucking pot? Oh yes, ginger, because it's great for the lungs. Throw in a lot of ginger if you have it. I heard from another herbalist that this virus does not like heat, so being the creative yet totally unqualified person I am, I figure ginger might be just the thing to save me and my family.

Then, throw in whatever else you have that can be professionally identified as a vegetable. And let it boil. Simmer it. And while that's happening, cook noodles on the side. I have this totally fucking picky kid.

Seriously, the kid won't fucking eat what I make for him, except now he has no choice. And he does like those really skinny rice noodles. So I cook those. And then, when your soup is done, you put a strainer over your bowl, you dish out the soup so none of those crazily cut vegetables get in.

You add a teaspoon of bullion to your clear broth (I use better than bullion even though some people say it's not good enough - fuck it - it's good enough for me.) And if I bullion each bowl of broth, then I save on fucking bullion. And then I add the noodles.

And that's the end of that. I hope you'll try it. Maybe you'll feel pretty healthy after. There. My first shared recipe ever. Bon Appétit.

-JLK